Who's turn?

If i think that who i am is defined by the grades I receive and the things i do, the sports i play, the outcome of my endeavors, the idea of my success: What the heck am i doing?!!??!?!? Once again it is so hard to put so much time and effort into my studies and people and feel like I get little out of it. Did my standard get to high to the point where nothing can how please me now? The question of the semester is: When is it going to be my turn? When am I going to have a break? 

God: When is it your life going to be honestly about me? When is it my turn to show you how much I love you? You have no idea how much peace and love I have for you, stop looking for your turn. You have your turn, its everlasting. 

I have no turn. Humility. Surrender. God's turn. 

really torres? what else, what else is there to prove. You cant run the marathon, deal. You cant go back in to basketball, deal. You cant be as fit as you want, deal. You are not going to be a straight A student, deal. Your situations have been painful, deal. 

Ok, little idea of what is going with me at the moment. Just trying to get through this semester in one piece and one grounded mindset. Just have to shake this off, keep on running. South africa is so close, don't give up just yet. Finish strong.

:) 

In and out of SA... kinda

My mind has been so crossed lately, i feel like sometimes I am stuck in the idea that I am going to SA and actually there rite now. Then after moments of great thoughts and experiences that i see myself in while in SA, i come back to reality that i have to be over on west campus to study for my church history test. I really do not like this stage of waiting at the moment. Especially when both sadness and happiness are some feelings that are taking over my mind when it comes to me leaving. 

It is Global vision week at APU...and i have learned so much about missions and what it really means to serve internationally. Even thought study aboard is very different than a short-term mission or as a missionary in another country, it still feels like in a sense I am going on a mission trip. Over all i think it is helping me to want to understand SA more before I go and not just be the ignorant american that comes to another country to learn and sight see. 

Almost done with a big part of my school year, have had lots of tests and projects due these past couple weeks, but once these next couple of days are over, I shall be able to concentrate more on myself and SA. I CANT WAIT.

a little update ..